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I truly understand why you feel that way. Dealing with misunderstandings.
Neelix IO Pty Ltd • June 14, 2021
“The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.” - George Bernard Shaw.
Our daily lives are filled with many battles, many of which are constant themes that we accept as part of human nature. Misunderstandings are as old as anything else in this regard. Each of us develop our own ways of dealing or surviving with such an unfortunate trait. Does it really have to be as persistent and unsolvable? The answer is not as complex or as philosophical in comparison to how deep this infiltrated our culture.
It is all about the amplitude of emotions and how different people deal with them.
Our balance gets displaced by opposing forces - intensity of our lives on one side, and resignation of various status quo on the other. This curve, if zoomed in, is made up of communication and event points. Verbalised communication is a lottery game that often starts with miscommunication. People deal with this roller coaster in different ways. Some of us become super tough, and even cold. Others feel that the weight of life is even greater than what is perceived as fair.
Resolving miscommunication at a pinpoint of time, in order to achieve an outcome from a specific task, is a specific skill and an expenditure of patience. The real issue with the whole topic is that building up the skill and emotional bank balance requires taking a few steps back.
Communicating with others should be thought of as an exercise of crossing the river. It is not right to expect for the end point of river-crossing to be at precisely the same longitude as the start . Under surface currents and rocks will change your destination. Truly problematic misunderstandings are the ones where two parties converse about relative points without appreciating, or accepting reality factors, if they actually were to undertake the full journey.
How does one develop the skill of passing communication river-crossing? One of the better ways is to practice retrospectives. Self-reflective discussion with partners is an under-appreciated pattern. Retrospective exercise is just as applicable, and powerful, to perform for oneself.
The secret is to avoid turning retrospectives into a complaints galore. Some dive into these reflections in order to complain about the underwater stones and general unhappiness of currents. These are the scenarios where the change will remain as illusion, and misunderstanding will remain as real. Retrospective is actually a practice in appreciating larger perspectives. It is a practice in having a conversation with the aim of finding a balanced projected conclusion. If you focus on conversation, rather than a winning argument process, then it is possible to arrive at saying - “I truly understand why you feel that way”.
Misunderstandings do not need to be growing into stalagmites. Humans are a lazy bunch, as we have been letting those emotional drips grow into socio-economic insurmountable formations. At the same time, we are good at doing a regular tooth cleaning (so that we can have more cake and look beautiful?). Let’s use meaningful conversation and perception focused retrospectives in order to improve the cleanliness and beauty of our minds.
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